Mad at God

I was mad at God and told Him so...many times. I was mad because he didn't save me from being abused and neglected. I felt like a ugly, unwanted step child.

My Christian counselor invited me to a Christian Sexual Abuse weekend retreat. When I got there, I started unpacking when someone came to the door and invited me to a praise service in the chapel. When I got there, the service had already started. Everyone had their hands raised praising God. I tried!! I even tried to prop my hand up with my other hand but stopped remembering my childhood declaration that I would never fake it. I left the service, heading back to my room when I noticed two ladies sitting in the dining room. I went in and we started talking. I ended up telling them what happened. They told me to go tell my counselor so I got up and went back to the chapel.

When I opened the doors, I saw Jerry standing in the back of the chapel. The service had just ended. I told him what happened. He smiled and said "Come with me." I followed him to the front of the chapel. Jerry got the two couples leading the group and a retired minister to pray for me.

As they prayed the Minister started talking. He said "I see a little girl. She's being badly wounded. Jesus wants her to know He was there. He saw her tears and was crying with her. Jesus said He couldn't stop what was being done to her because He gave freewill but He PROMISED to deal with her abusers and Promises to ALWAYS take care of that little girl."

Tears were running down my face. After the prayer, I saw a video going off in my head of all the times, Jesus had protected and provided for me even when I didn't deserve it!

I've NEVER BEEN MAD AT GOD SINCE and He still takes care of me!! ~Joy